Published: July 02, 2009 10:58 am      

A ticket to talk

You can always tell when you’re behind a car driven by someone talking on a cell phone. You are cruising along at a normal speed, enjoying the traffic and fumes. Suddenly the car in front of you begins to slow down. “Is it an accident?” you wonder. “Perhaps some construction up ahead?”

But the driver in front of you is not using his brakes. He has simply moved from normal speed to turtle speed and keeps driving slower. And slower. And still slower.

Soon, unable to stand the dropping speed any longer, and wondering if Mr. Turtle is suffering some sort of impairment such as a physical malady or mental breakdown, you move into the slow lane to pass him. As you pass, you glance to your left and you see that yes indeed, Mr. Turtle is suffering from an impairment, because he has a cell phone glued to his ear. He is laughing heartily and gesturing wildly as angry motorists pile up behind him. Therefore, you slam your car into his and run him off the road.

Ha! Just kidding. You would never do that. I, of course, would certainly never do that either. Although, maybe it has crossed my mind once. Or twice.

The point is, however, driving while talking on a cell phone is dangerous. To quote 10 million teenagers including one that lives in my house, “Duh.” And no matter how good you are with your thumbs, texting while driving is impossible, and it’s stupid to try. It’s like trying to juggle while you’re mowing the lawn. The two don’t go together, you’re likely to loose a limb in the process, and if you’re lucky, that’s all you’ll lose. Why is it then, that there has to be a law against it?

It never ceases to amaze me when laws must be passed to stop people from being stupid. Currently, a ban on driving while talking on a cell phone is in place in only six states as well as Washington, D.C. Utah lists driving with a cell phone as careless driving. The use of all cellular phones while driving a school bus is prohibited in 17 states and D.C.

A school bus! Do people really do that? Why only 17 states? By the way, Indiana is not one of those 17 states. And text messaging while driving a school bus? Banned in only one state.

You know, it’s probably hazardous to do your taxes, hunt buffalo, and bake a pie while driving a school bus also. Should we make a new law for that as well? How about welding? Welding would be especially dangerous while driving a school bus. We should make a law just in case.

How about this: enact a law stating that if it takes your attention off the road, you are not allowed to do it, especially if you are driving a school bus. As an addendum, if it sounds like a stupid thing to do while driving, don’t do it.

Additionally, no juggling while mowing the lawn. That should cover it. For now.

— Rebecca Todd is a freelance writer from Clayton. Contact her at btodd@tds.net.