Hendricks County Flyer, Avon, IN

August 21, 2013

How is this anything close to reality?


Hendricks County Flyer

---- — So I’m driving down the interstate and what do I see barreling along beside me?

A semi-trailer bearing a larger than life image of … wait for it …

Kim Kardashian.

Yes, THAT Kim Kardashian. Reality show Kim Kardashian. Sex tape Kim Kardashian. Baby with Kanye West Kim Kardashian.

And now, on the side of a semi Kim Kardashian.

I guess the semi was full of perfume that she had something to do with — as in, she let someone use her name to sell it. I seriously doubt Kim donned a lab coat and went to work concocting a fragrance. For one thing, she’s not accustomed to work. Or wearing that much clothing.

This means that getting herself on the side of a truck may have been the greatest expression ever of someone being famous for being famous.

Think about it. Getting a reality show is no big deal anymore. If those junkyard goobers down in Southern Indiana can get one, the newly minted “Porter Ridge” show, chances are you can too. Heck, even as I speak there are about three filming right here on my block. All you need is to be from somewhere the reality-TV executroids have never been (Indiana) and be the type that people on the left and right coasts enjoy feeling superior to (anyone who lives between New York and Los Angeles) and presto. You, too, can be a star.

Oh, and for those of you considering this as a career move: It helps if you speak like a complete moron, have a beard that looks like a worn-out broom, never wear a shirt, and live in a world of rattletrap pickup trucks and bony dogs. Unless you are a woman, in which case the beard is optional and the shirt is too, depending on the channel.

So let’s say you’ve decided to follow your dream to be famous for no good reason. Congratulations, but you’re not exactly blazing a trail here. This is nothing new … if you can remember TV game shows from the 1960s and ‘70s, you surely can think of a few panelists whose presence meant nothing to you. I remember being absolutely mystified by Charlie Brill and Mitzi McCall. Later I came to find out they actually had show business careers other than being on the Match Game. Who knew?

I did a web search of people who were famous for being famous. Charlie and Mitzi weren’t on it, but I did run across such luminaries as Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie, naturally, plus Amber Rose (who?), Kevin Federline (why?), and Fonzwoth Bentley (what?).

I also ran across the famous (sort of) Tila Tequila, who in true 21st century fashion parlayed internet fame into a more wide-ranging variety with magazine appearances, music, and that guaranteed career-booster, video sex.

But back to Kim Kardashian and the truck. It takes a special kind of celebrity juice to get yourself on the side of a semi. Which is appropriate when you consider that the next truck I passed was painted with a big picture of Red Gold tomato products.

But the tomatoes in the cans have gone on to fulfill a higher purpose in their lives. The tomato that is Kim Kardashian — well, the jury’s still out on that one.

© 2013 Mike Redmond. All Rights Reserved.