Hendricks County Flyer, Avon, IN

Local News

January 15, 2014

Happiest place on earth isn't really so happy at all

I recently went with the famdamily down to Dizzily World.

Yeah, yeah, I know. Me. At Dizzily World. With the mouse and everything.

Figure it this way: In every group, be it vacationers or dwarves, there has to be a Grumpy.

Truth be told, this was not my first trip to the hap-hap-happiest place on earth. I’ve actually been there several times, including a few radio junkets back when I was a Bigtime Indianapolis Media Dude and it was pretty much required that I decamp for Orlando every winter for guest appearances with one radio morning gang or another. Oh, the sacrifices you make for your craft.

What I like best about Walt Dizzily World is its diversity. Only there can you see fully grown men of every nationality walking around wearing shorts, sneakers, black socks, and mouse ears while their embarrassed offspring follow behind, eyes averted. Only there can you see people from all over the world eating Pennsylvania Dutch funnel cakes in front of fake France or artificial Italy. Only there can you hear parents yelling at children in a variety of languages unmatched outside the United Nations building.

(I did notice, however, that even though parental yelling might have varied by language, whining and tantrums sound the same no matter where the kid comes from.)

My favorite parental language to overhear was the Brazilian edition of Portuguese, because from a native speaker, even “Young man, you get back here this instant, or so help me I will ground you for the rest of your life!” sounds beautiful, rhythmic and melodious. When I try to speak Portuguese it sounds like me mangling my customary Bad Spanish after my mouth has been numbed with Novocain.

Dizzily World does some things superbly — rides, shows, guest relations, you name it. It is amazingly good at moving human beings from one place to another via bus, trolley and monorail.

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