Hendricks County Flyer, Avon, IN

Local News

December 14, 2013

Smart gear is taking over

(Continued)

Seriously? On a ring? This product is obviously not for those of us with reading glasses and arthritis.

Now for my personal favorite — the smart bra.

Smart bras cannot do all the things that smart watches and the proposed Smarty Ring can do; not yet anyway. For now what they propose to do is monitor what a woman eats, check her vitals, and maybe give her a little shock if she eats too much.

The Microsoft Research Institute and the University of Rochester are the brains behind this heinous creation.

The “smart bra” collaborates with a phone app to warn women who are emotionally overeating. It is also equipped with stress sensors, heart rate monitors and a 3.7-volt battery.

The bra detects a woman’s mood and administers an electrocardiogram (EKG) if it detects that she is “stress-eating.” She is then alerted via the phone app to back it off.

Make no mistake about it, I hate bras. They are annoying, uncomfortable and often disfiguring. If I could get by without wearing one, I most definitely would, but the common consensus is that that would be unseemly.

That being said, do I really want my bra to aggravate me further by saying, “Hey, girl! You need to back off on that Christmas cake if you want me to fit tomorrow!” No. No I do not.

I’ve decided I don’t like smart things. I don’t care for my daughters’ smart mouths, Smarties candies or the even the show “Get Smart.” I definitely don’t like my husband’s smarty pants. I don’t need any more smart things around.

Truth be known, I spend a lot of time arguing with my smart phone because it thinks it is smarter than I am. How am I going to look in a crowd if I’m having multiple arguments with my phone, watch, ring and bra?

Not too smart at all.

— Rebecca Todd is a freelance writer and the author of the book “What’s the Point?” available at booklocker.com. Contact her at btodd@tds.net.

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