Published: June 18, 2009 04:52 pm      

Void in Rhode Island, and if you have common sense

Let’s take a moment to discuss one of my favorite topics: commercials.

Specifically, let’s discuss those obnoxious commercials featuring a screaming announcer and “miracle products” that all seem to sell for “$19.95.” Of course, these miracle products are really worth a lot more than that, usually hundreds of dollars. But through special TV offers, screamed at you at decibels louder than an Aerosmith concert, you get these products for just “$19.95.” Plus shipping and handling. Void in Rhode Island and anywhere else that might house people with even a miniscule amount of common sense.

These types of products have been around for decades. Case in point, Ronco who has been around for nearly 50 years pitching “unique” products you simply can’t live without. Remember Mr. Microphone? Yes, you could drive around town and pick up strangers on the street with a Mr. Microphone. How about the pocket fisherman? Keep your fishing pole in your pocket at all times because you never know when a random pond might spring up and provide you with the ability to catch a fish. On the market since the ‘70s, it is still a big seller for Ronco.

Sadly, things haven’t changed. One of my favorite recent television announcers to hate is the relentless marketing force Billy Mays.

Once you see, or mainly hear, Billy Mays endorsing a product, you know you can count on the fact that yes, without a doubt, this is a product that will be a piece of garbage that will break within minutes of opening the box. Mr. Mays is fond of arbitrary household tools and gadgets. He’s so fond of them, he likes to put his hairy face up to the camera and scream about them.

Now I ask you, does this really prompt anyone to jump up and run to the phone with their credit card? It prompts me to scramble for the remote and quickly change the channel. Why would someone hire this man to promote their product?

New to the marketing world is the equally unsettling Vince, the ShamWow guy. He probably had a real last name at one time, but from now on, no matter where he goes, he will be known as Vince, the ShamWow guy. Good career choice, Vince.

Vince looks like a combination of Beavis and Butthead with a little praying mantis mixed in for good measure. It’s no wonder they hired him as the face of their product. I don’t even know what a ShamWow is, but it doesn’t matter, because Vince frightens me. I will never buy one.

Next up on the disturbing list is the old man on the Snuggie commercial. If you are not familiar, the Snuggie is a blanket with sleeves. Genius. The problem is, however, the poor ol’ guy on the commercial has also appeared on commercials for various other “$19.95” products, including hearing devices and memory devices. He never gets to say a word; he is just shown being increasingly frustrated with everyday life.

Someone needs to tell the poor man he is being stereotyped. They should also tell him he is a really bad actor.

The thing that intrigues me most about these commercials, however, is the whole “void in Rhode Island” thing. What’s going on in Rhode Island? Are they at odds with the rest of the country? Or is there, perhaps, a preponderance of intelligence there?

Either way, if it means I will no longer have to see these irritating ads, I might consider moving to Rhode Island.

— Rebecca Todd is a freelance writer from Clayton. Contact her at btodd@tds.net.