By Rebecca Todd
The Hendricks County Flyer
Tue Nov 20, 2012, 04:11 PM EST
Let's stop here a minute to discuss the many uses for bacon butter other than slathering it on a turkey. I can see the info-mercial now.
"Tired of having too much energy? Sick of that healthy glow? Well now your troubles are over! It's bacon butter! Slap it on a pancake. Put a dollop on your ice cream. You can even rub it on your skin and lay out in the sun to increase the aging process!
"Kids, are you tired of Mom making you eat healthy? Make those otherwise distasteful healthy foods better by mixing bacon butter in with your favorite yogurt or dipping your veggies in it. It's bacon butter!"
Where was I?
Oh, right. After you slather your bird with bacon butter, you weave a quilt of bacon around the turkey. Then throw it in the oven, all nice and snug, until it sweats grease; kind of like you will after you eat it.
Now for dessert: bacon pumpkin pie. That's right. If your bacon turkey isn't enough, you need to add bacon to your pumpkin pie. The recipe also calls for shortening; just to finish you off quicker.
Don't feel bad, bacon lovers. You will probably die after your Thanksgiving dinner, but just remember, you can be buried in that bacon coffin. And I'm just guessing, but the way things are going, you will probably soon be able to have yourself smoked and cured before you're interred.
Me, however? My turkey will not be covered in bacon. And for that I am thankful.
- Rebecca Todd is a freelance writer and the author of the book "What's the Point," available at booklocker.com. Contact her at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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