By Rebecca Todd
The Hendricks County Flyer
Fri Apr 26, 2013, 03:20 PM EDT
Good news! April 27 is “Tell A Story Day,” and that’s today. Boy, are you in for a treat. Ready? Here we go.
Once upon a time, there was a group of people that got together and decided that our country simply did not have enough holidays. They put their heads together and decided to form a very scary thing called a “committee.”
Webster’s defines a committee thusly: “a body of persons delegated to consider, investigate, take action on, or report on some matter.” While that is accurate, it is not the whole story. You see, what a committee also does is takes the matter and manipulates it, bends it, twists it, wrenches it and mutates it until it becomes at least 20 times more complicated than it was when they began. To wit, a quote from Sir Alec Issigonis: “A camel is a race horse designed by a committee.”
Nevertheless, the committee was formed and they created a movement that would promote not only the commonly known holidays such as Christmas and Easter, but would also push some of the smaller holidays to grow.
Their plan worked and soon Halloween, Labor Day, Memorial Day, July 4th, Mothers Day, Fathers Day and Valentines Day were becoming just as commercialized as Christmas and Easter. People were buying cards, putting up decorations, cooking large meals and spending hundreds of dollars for every holiday.
Well, the little committee was very happy, as you could imagine, so they decided to push things further. Soon they were developing new holidays like Kissing Day, Sweetheart Day, Secretary Day, Boss’s Day and Grandparents Day. The public responded by spending more money.
The committee was ecstatic. So they did what demented committees flushed with arrogance and power usually do; they expanded. With this expansion came a flood of new ideas to push the country’s holidays to all new heights and, of course, beyond all boundaries of human sanity; especially when they were hungry.
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