Hendricks County Flyer, Avon, IN

Commentary

June 14, 2013

Attack of the heinous humanoids

Word on the street and in the media is that it will be a really bad summer for mosquitoes. Or should I say, it will be a really bad summer for humans, because it will be a great year for thirsty mosquitoes.

It’s funny how this is making the news, because as far back as I can remember, and it’s none of your business how far back that is, mosquitoes torture humans every summer. There has never been a year when I thought, “Gee; I haven’t been bitten by a mosquito for a while. Wonder where they all are?”

I write a lot about bugs. That is mainly because I question why they exist. Is it some kind of practical joke God decided to play on us? We all know He has a sense of humor. All it takes is a trip to Walmart on a Saturday night to believe that it’s true.

I suppose it’s the whole circle of life thing that inspired their existence. Many animals eat insects. Insects move pollen from place to place.

I just want to know why they all have to be so vicious. Moreover, I really want to know why humans weren’t equipped with built-in self-defense mechanisms like insects.

Remember all the old movies where insects grew to enormous sizes and tried to take over the earth? Wouldn’t it be great if those lowly humans had the same kind of powers as the enormous insects? That would at least have been a much better movie.

Think about it. Insects have so many ways to protect themselves that would be incredibly useful for the human race. Stingers, venomous bites, the ability to rip each other’s heads off and sheer hideousness; all of these things could come in handy for us lowly humans.

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