By Rebecca Todd
The Hendricks County Flyer
Fri Mar 08, 2013, 02:02 PM EST
I buy off the rack at discount prices and dress myself every day. You would think I would be the most likely to have a wardrobe malfunction, but the closest I've ever come is when a button popped off my blouse. Even then I had enough sense to carry a needle and thread with me. Never in my life have I uttered the phrase, "Oops, my breast just popped out." Call me crazy, but I'm actually kind of proud of that fact.
In the last couple of years the term "wardrobe malfunction" has expanded to not just include those "oops" moments, but to also cover things like too sheer fabrics and those unfortunate, "I'm wearing a short dress and trying to get out of a car but forgot to put on underwear photos."
Let's be honest here. This is not a wardrobe malfunction. In fact, none of the Hollywood "oops" moments are wardrobe malfunctions. These moments are all people malfunctions.
Let's face it, ladies, you A. should have worn a bra; B. should have worn underwear; and/or C. should have bought clothing that covered your body or hired people that have a clue. In short, you are a moron, as is every designer, stylist, publicist, breast taper, etc. that you have hired. Stop blaming the clothes.
And as for my daughter? The jeans are being retired. Alas, yet another fashion sacrifice.
- Rebecca Todd is a freelance writer and author of the book "What's the Point?" available at booklocker.com. Contact her at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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