By Mike Redmond
The Hendricks County Flyer
Tue Apr 16, 2013, 03:58 PM EDT
Why do we get this way over something so seemingly inconsequential? I think it is because we are tribal by nature. Seeking congenial relationships with compatible people, we naturally form ourselves into groups based on shared interests and beliefs. And then, because we still struggle with the whole live-and-let-live thing - we are only human, after all - we feel called to defend these interests and beliefs from those who do not share them.
Or, to put it the short way, we're ridiculous and we obviously do not have enough to do.
Where Mayonnaise vs. Miracle Whip is concerned, the disagreement diverts us from serious questions, such as Should we be eating this stuff in the first place? and Have you ever seen what goes into bologna? and What kind of wine should you serve with a fried bologna sandwich?
Occasionally, our tribal instincts do us credit. When we all come together as one Supersized Tribe of Americans, we're pretty impressive. We've saved the world a couple of times doing just that. The thing is, we have to get over our differences to accomplish anything and we don't seem inclined to do that these days.
As for me, I'll continue my own ecumenical work. You see, I use both mayonnaise AND Miracle Whip, and occasionally I interchange them. Perhaps in this way I can set a good example.
I draw the line at Cool-Whip and packaged gravy, though. That stuff is vile.
What can I say? My sister married a member of the Philistine tribe.
© 2013 Mike Redmond. All Rights Reserved.
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