Hendricks County Flyer, Avon, IN

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January 29, 2013

All in the name of good health

(Continued)

After that came the electrocardiothingie, where they stick rheostats onto your body and wire you up like a Silvertone console radio. I could have made it a lot easier on everyone by trimming my chest hair. No need, said the lady putting on the stickers. Yes need, I said when she pulled them off and took large clumps of fur with them.

Then came the crowning achievement of the day, the upper GI X-rays with the aforementioned barium breakfast. If you'd like to try this at home, simply blend 12 pieces of blackboard chalk with a quarter cup of water. Gulp it down and you can spend the rest of the day feeling like you have a big hunk of modeling clay trying to move through your system.

(Note: Do not eat a large Chinese dinner on top of this stuff. Trust me on this one. I was up all night muttering various imprecations in Mandarin, a language I didn't know I spoke.)

Boy, the things I do in the name of health. But that's the point of a workup, isn't it? To find ways to make ourselves as healthy as possible.

Or at least healthy enough to see the bill without having a heart attack.

That Voodoo Mechanic Medicine is expensive.

© 2013 Mike Redmond. All Rights Reserved.

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