Hendricks County Flyer, Avon, IN

Breaking News

Commentary

February 15, 2013

This sandwich is sub-standard

Nothing annoys me more than a poorly written, peppy commercial jingle that has a tendency to get stuck in your head. Actually, a lot of things annoy me more, but I didn't want to bother you with a list where commercial jingles fall somewhere between cat pictures with captions like, "I iz cute!" and that little animated phlegm guy on the Mucinex commercials. So for the sake of this article, let's just say the jingles annoy me the most.

In fact, the jingles annoy me so much that I swore off Subway sandwiches several years ago when they started the "Five Dollar Foot Long" jingle. Also, I think their food is disgusting, with very little meat (that is tasteless anyway so it doesn't matter that much), slimy vegetables, too much mayonnaise and soggy bread. So in hindsight, it wasn't that hard to swear off of the stuff. But I digress.

It was the jingle that was the final straw. It repeats the phrase, "Five--Five Dollar--Five Dollar Foot-looooooong!" over and over for thirty seconds; just long enough for it to eat it's way into your brain so that 3 hours later while you're sitting at your desk trying to get some work done, you find yourself humming the peppy tune while you compulsively type, "Five-Five Dollar-Five Dollar Footlooooooong!" over and over and over. Then you stand like a zombie and slowly stagger down the road to the nearest Subway and order a slimy foot-long sandwich with approximately .5 ounces of tasteless meat and 6 ounces of mayonnaise.

So I guess you could say the commercial works. However, now Subway is under scrutiny because it seems those so-called "foot-longs" are not. A few weeks ago, an Australian teen measured his "foot-long" Subway sandwich and posted a picture online showing it to be only 11 inches long. The photo went viral, (Note: The phrase "going viral" also annoys me - it falls a little below the Mucinex guy on my list), and people across the country started measuring their Subway foot-longs. This being America, they did what Americans do and saw dollar signs. They filed lawsuits seeking damages over the missing inch. For example, one man in New Jersey is seeking nearly $5 million in damages. Apparently they called in several high level mathematicians to calculate a formula that ended with: 1 inch = $5 million. Either that or this is a case that proves eating too much mayonnaise and soggy bread can destroy your ability to think beyond the level of a moron.

Text Only
Commentary
  • Benefits of hiking minimum wage are just an illusion |I don’t know anyone averse to making more money. Sure, I have friends who demonstrate, through words and actions, that money is not the most important thing in their lives. But I haven’t seen one of them turn down a raise. I wouldn’t, either. (That'

    March 3, 2014

  • Benefits of hiking minimum wage are just an illusion |I don’t know anyone averse to making more money. Sure, I have friends who demonstrate, through words and actions, that money is not the most important thing in their lives. But I haven’t seen one of them turn down a raise. I wouldn’t, either. (That'

    March 3, 2014

  • Letter to the editor |To the Editor: As the dust has settled somewhat in the state legislature over HJR-3, with its endless debates, and other matters are given credence in the media, I'm given to reflecting on a phrase made famous by a folk singer of the 1960s who harmo

    February 27, 2014

  • Letter to the editor |To the Editor: As the dust has settled somewhat in the state legislature over HJR-3, with its endless debates, and other matters are given credence in the media, I'm given to reflecting on a phrase made famous by a folk singer of the 1960s who harmo

    February 27, 2014

  • A military budget of delusion |The Obama administration says that we need to end what it calls "the era of austerity" in Washington. Notably excluded from this admonition is the one department of government that is actually experiencing austerity worthy of the name. Defense Secre

    February 26, 2014

  • Brent Glasgow Sherman, Miller apples of the same tree

    There was a wide array of reactions to Seattle DB Richard Sherman’s post-game “interview” with Erin Andrews following the Seahawks’ NFC title win over San Francisco.

    Mine? Laughter, as the shout-down was the most entertaining thing I saw all day.

    January 28, 2014 1 Photo

  • Brent Glasgow Cash greener, but grass not so far for Butler

    Butler is still a long way from saving its 2013-14 men’s basketball season, but if the Bulldogs turn it around fully and reach the NCAA Tournament, it will have started this past Saturday at Hinkle Fieldhouse.

    January 21, 2014 1 Photo

  • Brent Glasgow Downer finale doesn’t change Colts’ positives

    A fine season for the Indianapolis Colts ended with a whimper Saturday at New England, but in recent team history, it was far from the most disappointing postseason defeat.

    January 14, 2014 1 Photo

  • Brent Glasgow Colts have chance to pen masterpiece

    The Indianapolis Colts’ miraculous 45-44 wild card victory over Kansas City on Saturday ended just after 8 p.m. After leaving Lucas Oil Stadium, it took until around midnight for the pounding in my head to subside.

    January 7, 2014 1 Photo

  • A manufactured ADHD epidemic If at any time while reading this article your attention wanders, you may have ADHD. If you pause to check your e-mail sometime during the next three paragraphs, you should consult a doctor. If you fail to read this article all the way to the end, yo

    December 31, 2013

House Ads
Hendricks County Marquee
Email News Sign Up
Facebook
Twitter Updates
Follow us on twitter
Poll

New poll question: Will you be attending this year’s Indianapolis 500?

Yes
No
Undecded
     View Results
AP Video
SKorea Ferry Toll Hits 156, Search Gets Tougher Video Shows Possible Syrian Gas Attack Cubs Superfans Celebrate Wrigley's 100th Raw: Cattle Truck Overturns in Texas Admirers Flock to Dole During Kansas Homecoming Raw: Erupting Volcanoes in Guatemala and Peru Alibaba IPO Could Be Largest Ever for Tech Firm FBI Joining Probe of Suburban NY 'Swatting' Call U.S. Paratroopers in Poland, Amid Ukraine Crisis US Reviews Clemency for Certain Inmates Raw: Violence Erupts in Rio Near Olympic Venue Raw: Deadly Bombing in Egypt Raw: What's Inside a Commercial Jet Wheel Well Raw: Obama Arrives in Japan for State Visit Raw: Anti-Obama Activists Fight Manila Police Motels Near Disney Fighting Homeless Problem Michigan Man Sees Thanks to 'bionic Eye' S.C. Man Apologizes for Naked Walk in Wal-Mart Chief Mate: Crew Told to Escape After Passengers
Hyperlocal Search
Premier Guide
Find a business

Walking Fingers
Maps, Menus, Store hours, Coupons, and more...
Premier Guide
Must Read