By Rebecca Todd
— It's time for everybody's favorite game show! No, it is not "Wheel of Fortune." No, not "Jeopardy." No! It is not "Family Feud."
Let me rephrase it for you once again. It's time for that wacky, wild game show that most have never heard of! It's "App or No App!" I will be your obnoxious host.
Here's how we play. I name an app that may or may not be real. If you think it is real, no matter where you are, scream out, "App!" If you think I made it up, you scream out, "No App!"
Are we ready? Are we excited? OK! Let's begin.
Today we are again focusing on smartphone apps. Surely you have heard the witty saying, "I've got an app for that!" Sadly, most of the time it's true, because there is truly an app for everything.
First up on "App or No App" is Annoy a Teen! This app allows you to play a high-frequency tone that can only be heard by younger generations. Wacky good fun for us old-timers.
Does this sound like a real app to you or did I just make it up? Yell it out! App or no app?
OK, stop yelling. It's real. Sadly, it only annoys teens and doesn't make them clean up after themselves or stop smarting off. Ah, but give those wacky techies time. I'm sure they'll invent an app like that. For my sake, hopefully it will be soon.
Are next app is iLickit. This app invites you to clean up a picture of a plate of food by licking your phone. Is this real? Yell it out! App or no app?
Yes, it is real, of course. I would never make up something so disgusting. Developers of the app claim to have invented a "tongue optimized engine." I don't even want to know how that works. I beg of you all, do not buy this app and do not lick your phone.
Next up we have the Ghost Radar app. With this app you can be a certified wacko ... I mean ghost hunter. Apparently it picks up ghostly vibrations and electromagnetic fields.
App or no app?
Yep, it's real. All you naysayers will be haunted for the rest of your lives for getting that one wrong.
If you bought Ghost Radar, you're going to want this app also. It's Ghost Buster. This app allows you to suck those nasty little specters you sniffed out with your Ghost Radar app right into your phone. No word on if you need to add extra memory to hold them. Boy, iPhone's Siri will probably not be happy about sharing time with a bunch of nasty ghosties.
So is this app real? Yell it out! I don't even care if you are in a public restroom, just yell! App or no app?
No, I made that one up. It's not real. Yet.
Last one! Our last app is Witch Hunt. Apparently there are witches around every corner and we need to protect ourselves. Trust no one. Take their picture with this app and if they are indeed a witch, their face will begin to burn. How very 17th century.
Yell it loud this time. Who cares if you're in a crowded restaurant? App or no app?
Yes, thank goodness it's real. I think I can actually use this one. I have my suspicions.
Tally your scores, everyone. How did you do?
Thank you for joining us for another edition of "App or No App!" Don't worry, raging fans of the show! This obnoxious game show host won't let you down!
- Rebecca Todd is a freelance writer and the author of the book "What's the Point," available at booklocker.com. Contact her at firstname.lastname@example.org.