Hendricks County Flyer, Avon, IN

Commentary

April 19, 2013

Beware the conspiring bugs

It's spring! So far that has meant endless days of rain, and a raging epidemic of spring fever making everyone stare out the windows with their mouths agape, making me think the zombie apocalypse has finally arrived.

On the plus side, it's nice to see the color green outside again. With last year's drought and a winter that drug on long enough for people to begin filing lawsuits against the groundhog, this is the first time my grass has been green in over a year. We didn't mow the lawn last year; we just kind of walked around and crunched the brown grass down.

The bugs weren't much of a problem either. The ones who ventured out just kind of buzzed or crawled around slowly, always landing within arms reach and willing you to swat them and put them out of their heat-induced misery; except for the few ... the proud. They stayed low. They stayed cool and they waited while their brethren were slayed.

Unfortunately, I have discovered what the bugs that weren't out and about last year were doing. They were hiding deep in the ground and they were growing; waiting for their chance to emerge and take over the earth.

I'm speaking specifically of the centipedes. Lately my house has been overrun with large, hideous, multi-legged monstrosities. Frankly, I hesitate to call them bugs. They're too large for that. In fact, I'm a little afraid to let my daughter's Pomeranian in the house. One of the freaky aberrations might carry her off.

With their sudden abundant appearance around the house, I decided to read up on the heinous creatures. With revulsion, I found that yes, the centipede is poisonous, but they rarely bite and the side effects usually only consist of a lot of running, screaming, and a serious case of the heebie jeebies.

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