By Taylor Armerding
The Hendricks County Flyer
Mon Mar 18, 2013, 03:27 PM EDT
It's been days now since the world ended, the sky fell, and Apocalypse Now descended on American civilization. I sprung the door on my survivalist bunker here in an undisclosed location a few minute ago, with my assault rifle and large-capacity magazine at the ready, to peek out and see what was going on.
I heard that the absolute worst has happened - because of the catastrophic budget cuts imposed by the sequester, the White House has canceled all visitor tours during the spring season.
Oh, the horror. Oh, the humanity.
Don't spread this around - I don't want my bunker to be picketed by middle-schoolers - but if this is what sequestration hath wrought, I say bring it on. Spring in Washington, D.C., could be beautiful with the cherry blossoms and all, but you can't get anywhere because just about every tour bus in the nation, laden with hyperactive, squealing, eighth-graders bearing handheld electronic devices, is clogging every available street.
Actually, I'm sorry the kids won't get to tour the presidential palace in D.C. I didn't get to go to Washington when I was in eighth grade, and look what it's done to me - left me skeptical, bald, and old. I wouldn't wish that on anyone - certainly not our children, who by the way are our future.
Seriously, though, the saddest thing about the sequester is how juvenile the whole thing is. It is not much of a stretch to think that a bunch of eighth-graders could do a better job tightening the nation's fiscal belt (actually, it's just loosening it a bit more slowly) than those who are in power.
The claim that cutting two cents of every dollar the federal government plans to spend over the next decade will unleash pestilence upon the land is an insult to "hard-working Americans" - you know, the people that President Obama and all politicians claim to respect and support so much.
July 30, 2014
July 12, 2014
July 10, 2014
July 7, 2014
June 19, 2014
June 11, 2014
June 7, 2014
An NPR broadcast examines the question of how communities can better prepare for tornadoes like the one that struck Moore, Okla. on Monday. The broadcast features commentary from Michael Fitzgerald, who reported a five-part disaster series for the CNHI News Service.
May 22, 2013
Part I: Are We Prepared? | Part II: Disaster Dollars Part III: Lessons Learned | Part IV: Warning Signs Part V: The Big One
You've got a rash. You quickly rule out the usual suspects: You haven't been gardening or hiking or even picnicking, so it's probably not a plant irritant such as poison ivy or wild parsnip; likewise, it's probably not chiggers or ticks carrying Lyme disease; and you haven't been swimming in a pond, which can harbor the parasite that causes swimmer's itch.
© 2014 Community Newspaper Holdings, Inc. ·
CNHI Classified Advertising Network ·
CNHI News Service
Associated Press content © 2014. All rights reserved. AP content may not be published,
broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.
Our site is powered by Zope. Some parts of our site may require
you to download the Flash Player Plugin.
Terms and Conditions
Hendricks County Flyer, Avon, IN
8109 Kingston St., Suite 500