Hendricks County Flyer, Avon, IN

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December 24, 2013

Happy holidays from Kim Kardashian!


I don’t know about you, but I am really late in buying gifts this year. Having a baby means I’ve had to spend a lot more time sleeping and working out with my personal trainer to look dewy faced and get back into a bikini (or nothing at all for a certain video with Kanye!), so it hasn’t left time for much else. Like supermodel Gisele Bundchen, I don’t know what I would do without my beauty squad! As mentioned, exercise is very important to me and I particularly love yoga, but have not yet found a brand of clothing that fits my curves properly. I will definitely NOT be wearing Lululemon after the founder said his customers are to blame for the sheerness of the fabric and their lady parts showing because of their body types. First of all, I like my lady parts showing. And second, why would any self-respecting executive force his customers to self-reflect about their weight? Will he install fat calipers in his stores to make sure only the right people purchase his garments? How dim!

To prospective clothing sponsors — you know I would never make that kind of mistake. Who wants me to be their new yoga model? I have the perfect name for the company: Spiritual Awakening. I can just see it branded on the derrieres of millions of women! Can’t you?

Writing this much is making me tired, so I am going to pour another Starbucks and stop taking selfies with the iPad that I am supposed to be composing this letter on! Sometimes my beauty overwhelms me, though, and I get carried away. I’m probably the only woman with more photos of myself than my baby on my iPhone! Hee hee hee.

Since I’ve mentioned all of my sponsors and can’t think of anything else to say — except if you still need a stocking stuffer, True Reflection or any of my other fragrances make a great gift for yourself or your friends — I hope you and yours remember the true spirit of the season and give to others less fortunate.

Wishing you and yours a Merry Merry!

Your friend,


— Marta Mossburg is an independent columnist. Follow her on Twitter at @mmossburg.

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